Moving from Self Doubt to Compassion

Why is it that being a mum seems to trigger self-doubt? 

From the confident to the most anxious of mothers, we all experience it. You would think that growing and delivering a baby would bolster a woman’s self-belief but parenting has a habit of setting off a raft of worries. Whether you compare yourself to others, feel overwhelmed by advice or bombarded by the ever-changing parenting goal posts, it’s no wonder that confidence levels plummet.

Babies are born with their own unique set of genes, which create a pre- built temperament and responses to the world. However, mothers often feel responsible for whether their baby sleeps enough, calms after feeds, sociable and has modifiable intensity levels and activity requirements. While there is some scope to nurture through the environment, some children were always destined to be sporty and others happier to read a book.

The next time you see a baby fall asleep in a noisy room or entertain a room full of people with its infectious smile, don’t let yourself be fooled that their parents have done anything special. It’s the same phenomenon when they go to school. The children that learn easily and behave themselves in class, are not working as hard as the children acting out. Sadly, this is the impact of living in a culture that makes judgements about parenting.  If parents ensured their children had enough sleep, nutrition and no devices, then they would have a perfectly well-behaved child, wouldn’t they?

The antidote to self-doubt is self-compassion. Be kind to yourself and turn the volume down on self-criticism. Try to see your thoughts in a friendlier way. Often just asking yourself if you would speak that way to a friend, is enough to find your more nurturing side.