One of my go to tools for mothers feeling overwhelmed by stress is to apply a problem solving approach. By identifying a specific problem and fleshing out possible solutions with someone it not only lightens the load but can move you from feeling stuck to a sense of hope that there is a way through. Given that parenting is a job for the long haul, building good problem solving skills is an important tool to develop.
Mothers worry about whether they are doing a good enough job and it starts from the moment you give birth. How do I ensure my baby gets enough sleep, nutrition, dealing with tantrums, making friends, returning to work, doing well at school and the list goes on. With so much information available through the internet, advice from family and friends, it is not hard to feel confused and overwhelmed. I suggest that people brain storm the pros and cons for each possible solution. This allows you to see visually what factors to weigh up. It will also highlight what you value most. All parenting dilemmas have an emotional impact and this adds to the pressure.
Let’s explore together a common scenario of whether to return to work. Possible pros could be financial, sense of identity, self-esteem, social connection, balance and lifestyle. In contrast cons could be putting child in care, less time for domestics, loss of quality time with child and travel. As you can see there are lots of factors to consider. There may also be a compromise of finding a job with fewer hours, closer to home, sharing care with partner or waiting until child is older. Once all the issues are on the table, it is easier to decide the best way forward. Even issues such as mounting debts and a change in health status can benefit from problem solving. The good news is that children indirectly behave better when mothers learn to manage their emotions and feel more in control of their parenting.
