What's your Parenting Love language?

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the impact of who we are on how we see our child.

 You are probably familiar with the concept of love language being applied to how we show and receive love in a partner relationship. It is a useful explanation for how conflict can fester.

 Likewise we show love towards our children in lots of different ways and probably preference the love currency we like to receive. For example if you crave affection your instinctual response when your child is upset will be to offer lots of physical comfort. Ever wondered why what you do isn’t always received in the way you hoped?

 It could be that you’re missing the mark with how they feel loved. Put your detective hat on and watch how they seek out love from you. What may seem like a demand, such as I need you to help me get dressed may be their way of feeling loved. Think this is your way of feeling loved versus you’re old enough to dress yourself will dramatically effect the interaction.

Let’s explore the 5 types of love and how it may play out in a parenting scenario.

The most obvious kids to understand are the ones who crave physical comfort. They may show this by often being close to you, taking every opportunity to sit on you, hug and hold your hand. If you like your personal space and preference other acts of love you’ll need to work hard to see affection meet’s your child’s need for love and a pathway to calm when distressed. This type of child may experience a lack of affection as rejection so be sure to anchor the day with lots of hugs.

 Kids who hold a lot of value on the gifts they are given can be easily judged as materialistic. Asking for things to feel loved can be managed without needing to buy things. A treat in the lunch box or having materials to craft with. Knowing that they see value in concrete examples of love, allows you to be creative and not fear they are a spoilt child.

Speaking of praise , do you have a child that relishes any opportunity to chat to you?  Do they light up when told how much you love them.  These kids literally need to hear what you are proud of and enjoy being told “I love you”. if you didn’t grow up hearing affirmations, then this takes practise to do it often. 

You’ll know if you have a child who looks for signs of action. You may even feel like they treat you like a servant. Seeing their requests for help as validating love softens the sentiment of there words. This doesn’t mean to say you don’t hold boundaries or encourage independence but that you do so sensitively.

Lastly and easily missed as we go about our busy sleep deprived lives. Making special time to connect. They often ask you to play with them and crave one on one time as the ultimate measure of connection.

So the next time you feel a disconnect with your child, pay attention to what your child is looking for you and provide a love remedy tailored to their love language.