Assertiveness: Your Best Antidote to Improving Communication

Have you ever felt so tired you could just fall asleep on your feet but your mind is full of all the things you still need to get done before you can go to bed? These are the moments that can precede snapping at your partner about why they didn’t get up to the crying child, left their dishes in the sink or clothes on the floor for the laundry fairy to collect.

If you are a snapper, you probably already know that people rarely respond well to being judged for not pulling their weight. When we react with anger we trigger a defensive response and our message is lost in translation. Equally if we avoid conflict by silently doing everything, we are being a passive communicator and sending a message that our needs are not important. The middle ground is assertive communication. When we respond from this place, we name the issue calmly and how it makes us feel. The objectivity is disarming and invites the other person to consider your view. This stance also considers what is going on for the other party and names this. It is not surprising that early parenting has been researched as putting great stress on a partnership. Suddenly there is less sleep, less protected time for self and the self-induced pressure to be the best parent. It is normal to see this played out as partner conflict.

A powerful intervention is to learn how to communicate assertively and role play difficult scenarios after an episode of conflict. In reflection you can review how you communicated and brainstorm assertive responses. I often say to women, I can only help you improve your side of the communication which accounts for 50%. However just one party changing, often leads to a shift in understanding. Perhaps it’s about accepting compromises, picking your battles or knowing that you shared your view calmly. From here both parties can work together to improve communication and negotiate workloads. It starts by believing that regardless if you are a working mum or stay at home mum, you don’t have to be 100% responsible for running the household.

For more information check out confidence and assertiveness skills services.