Attachment and its Relevance to Infant Bonding

A man named Bowlby spent a lot of time looking at babies and he noted their evolutionary pull towards seeking out their mothers from birth. This is not about hunger, attachment is about getting your social and emotional needs met both for safety and comfort. It is our job as parents to accurately read our babies cues and provide responsive care. With consistent care a secure attachment base is formed.

It is reassuring to know that the majority of babies (70%) are securely attached to their primary care giver and that getting it right about half the time achieves this.

The next time you feel a pang of guilt for extended holding or playing with your baby ahead of other tasks, reassure yourself that you are laying down the most important social emotional skills. Just like building house foundations, it’s hard to go back and fix insecure footings.

Babies rely heavily on their parents during the first year of life to build this emotional scaffold to feel confident to express their needs and receive care. Where the mother is emotionally unavailable or unreliable, the baby learns to either not to show their full emotions such as not reacting to mother leaving the room, this is an insecure (avoidant) attachment style. Alternatively, they may exaggerate their needs by crying intensely to ensure its mother does respond or push her away at other times, which is described as an insecure (anxious) style both accounting for 15% of babies. Early disruption impacts negatively on self esteem and ability to grow up into a happy functioning adult.

Our own upbringing and attachment style heavily influence our ability to provide good enough care. For example, if you didn’t, it may feel overwhelming or irritating to give care. Don’t be alarmed as with insight and learning to regulate your emotions and understand what your baby is trying to say, babies are hard wired to want to bond with their mother and repair can occur. 

Don’t be ashamed to ask for help if you feel like you are at a loss understand your baby. Next time we will look at baby temperament and how it influences attachment.