Feeling Suicidal..You must read this
I am doing push ups this month to raise awareness of the many people who have died by suicide.
As an experienced mental health clinician, I still find when someone I am seeing expresses suicide ideation, it halts my attention, my heart races a little and I am poised with a sense pressure to support this person to back to a life worth living.
It is not uncommon to have suicide thoughts for the first time after having a child. The thing is, the transition to motherhood rarely unfolds the way you expect. From pregnancy challenges, to birth trauma, unsettled babies, unmet expectations from your support people and yourself, you name it, there is so many things that can make life overwhelming.
To make matters worse suicidal thoughts are not always shared, for fear of the consequences. Yet having the thought does not actually mean that all of you wants to die. Beneath the thoughts is a hive of physical and emotional sensations that may feel relentless at the time but they do eventually pass..
The unbearable fatigue when you find yourself not sleeping night after night whether it be tending to your baby or not being able to lull yourself to sleep during the brief windows available. Before you were responsible for another human being, you could easily catch up on sleep. Nothing feels good when you are exhausted.
Depression is often not looked at as a life-threatening condition but it should be. Without the right support and treatment, it can be deadly. The dark heaviness of depression breeds suicidal thoughts and hopelessness. Suicide offers relief from pain. My children are better off without me is a common thought from a depressed mum.
There seems to be some agency that comes from having the suicidal thought. A way to take control when you’ve lost all sense of control in your life.
Most us have had these intrusive negative thoughts at some point. If we got better at sharing these thoughts, it would go a long way to reduce the stigma. Each day when I do push ups I am hoping to raise awareness.
If you’re alone with these thoughts - first remove yourself from anything dangerous and distract yourself by focused breathing to flood your brain with rationalising oxygen, visualise something pleasant, do something ,anything, to occupy your mind away from the thoughts. Then reach out for help whether it be someone you know or one of the services available such as suicide line 1300 651 251.
