Keeping Baby in Mind

I was reminded the other day that when a mum feels completely overwhelmed by anxiety and fatigue, the  urge is to fill the space with solutions or give feedback on how their negative thinking pattern is driving their emotional state. When we do this, we fail to listen fully and reflect back accurately what is going on for the person.

 When someone is already feeling like they are failing, the last thing they want to hear is that you are doing something wrong.

Given that our thoughts and actions don’t change simply because we want them to, it left me wondering what else could help someone when they are worried they are not connected to their baby.

The pathway to changing this is about making time to be fully present and allowing their baby to take the lead. Watch, Wait and Wonder is a simple strategy taught to mothers to enhance connection and understanding of what is going on for baby.

So what does this look like in reality? It means getting down on the floor with your baby and setting up the space for age appropriate play. If it’s a young baby, you won’t need anything but yourself. Practise waiting to follow baby’s lead, by patiently waiting for them to look at you. Respond immediately to their invitation to play and be prepared to adjust the environment to baby’s needs and preferences. By shifting to baby led play, you allow space to reflect on what is going on for baby.  If they turn away pause and wait again for their return. This is true for all ages.

Sometimes in our busyness to meet the competing demands of motherhood, we miss the cues and struggle to find time to connect and tune in.  As parents it is easy to fall into reacting. There is considerable evidence that for a positive relationship to form, parents must read their child’s emotional signals accurately, respond to them sensitively and be physically and psychologically available.

The good news is that the more you do it, you notice things you may have overlooked in the past. Seeing things from the child’s perspective allows for greater understanding and in turn less stress.